"To douchebags!” he said, gesturing to Brad. “And to girls that break your heart,” he bowed his head to me. His eyes lost focus. “And to the absolute fucking horror of losing your best friend because you were stupid enough to fall in love with her."

Jamie McGuire, Beautiful Disaster (via hqlines)

(via bitchindenial)

  • mom: what do u want 4 birthdy??
  • me: video gaem
  • mom: no vid game, child.
  • me: money
  • mom: 4 what
  • me: for video gm ae
  • mom: outsmarted agen

grrrlfever:

my life became 600% better when i started acting like a self obsessed piece of shit like 10/10 would recommend

even if u don’t actually genuinely love yourself its fuckin fun to act like you think you’re the human embodiment of perfection go on try it life’s too short to not fall in love with yourself

(Source: lesbolution, via ivoryrogue)

"You’re born with a ton of fucks to give, so you spend them like a kid with a credit card. You give fucks about your friends, about your grades, about your fashion sense, about strangers’ opinions. You give way too many fucks about way too many things. You have so many. Then, as you get older, you have maybe 10 fucks per month, so you learn to budget them. You allocate fucks to family and career, but there aren’t enough fucks to give to the newest fads. Oh, someone at work has something they need my help with that’s outside my job title? I’ll do my best to allocate some fucks, but this month is pretty tight. Then, as you get even older, you’re down to 1-2 fucks per month, and those fucks are pretty damn precious. You give them to your family and your hobbies and your job, and that’s kinda it. It’s not your fault – fucks expire too quickly. I would’ve liked to save my fucks from when I was younger but I can’t. Then, you hit fuck insolvency. You’re getting like 1 fuck a year, and you have to make it last. So you go without, and even previously fuck-worthy things, you just can’t give a fuck. Some people run out really quickly, Some people have a fuck trust fund that pays out a decent amount even into old age. But at some point, the fuck faucet runs completely dry and you’re out of fucks to give. It’s just basic Fuckonomics."

-Unknown English Teacher (via swarthyvillain)

I’ve never read anything more fucking true in my whole fucking life. 

Fuck.

(via unicornempire)

I actually really love this analogy.

(via wincherella)

This is the best explanation I can find for what happened when I turned 30.

(via mymissus)

coffeebreathandmorningkisses (via holy-m0ly)

ayesha this is so accurate lol I don’t even know what to do with myself

(via coffeebreathandmorningkisses)

(via maraannemeyow)

the-time-goddess-of-221b:

bard-of-time-will-be-late:

mori-ar-ti:

my mom was playing world of warcraft and someone said “fuck off” and she said “such language” and the next person said “very swear” and the next said “much offensive” and basically my mom started crying and blamed me

WoW.

Did you just

(via jamesmcdick)